It was the summer of my junior year in high school when i met a beautiful turkish girl. She played basketball in the same conference as me and we had seen each other for many years but never really talked to each other until we met up at a "leadership summit" in downtown Madison. We clicked right away, and things went well for a week or so until she spilled the beans on her turkish history: arranged marriage. Alas, my turkish delight was sent into a spiraling controversy. I now realized why we never hung out around her house, never mentioned her parents, made me pick her up a block away from her house...her dad was going to be furious if he saw me!
Now I dont claim to be an expert on arranged marriage, but the vibes i got from this female are this: it sucks. She said she was not allowed to date anyone and that, although she could give some minor input, her father had the final say. Does this work in some countries? Obviously seeing as its still around today. But do I, as a man brought up with the freedom to think critically about who i surround myself with/who i date, think this works? Nah. In my opinion, real love cant be arranged. Then again how can I even say that when the divorce rate is around 50%?
The one thing i've seen from arranged marriage is this; the familes make it work. Divorce isnt an option and at the end of the day, even if the married party is unhappy, they must find a way to compromise. Plenty of families around the world make it work, and the marriage generally benefits each family in a different way at the end of the day.
At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong, no better or worse, theres just where you come from and what culture you are brought up in.
I find it very surprising that arranged marriage is still practiced today. The fact that it still exists teaches me that not everyone values Western ideals as much as I thought they did. This helps me understand that different ideologies and philosophies are not inherently better or worse than each other, they are just different.
ReplyDeleteI think it is refreshing that the girl's family kept their cultural traditions alive. The presence of, rather than assimilation of, different cultures in the U.S. is part of what makes this country great.