The two goof balls to the left are my Brother and Father and me on the right on my graduation day. Any of you have a clue on what’s missing from this picture? And if your thinking it might be the person who is behind the camera taking the picture, then you’re wrong.
Since I was 14 years old I have lived with just my Father and Brother, as you can imagine for a 14 year old girl who is just experimenting with makeup, clothes, and her future Identity this was a confusing time for me. I can confidently say that I grew up in Manville population 3, I was the outlier. This was a huge barrier that I had to get over in my life, although my father and brother did try their best it was a very difficult time for me.
My father had a great job, a computer engineer at a hospital in the twin cities, not much to say other than he is the typical all American guy, runs at least 10 miles a day, can fix practically anything and loves to grill. My brother is a huge sports fan and is very athletic, he was involved in wrestling and also very involved in soccer to this day. He now plays on a men’s league and coaches our high school soccer team. Our house to him and his friends was a hang out place, as you can imagine living with two guys there was a lot to do at our place. Pool, air hockey, ping pong, darts, Movie Theater, bar…etc…a bachelors pad. This was the place to be on the weekends and game day. Not only was I surrounded by my father and brother, but also their friends. Considering my brother and his friends were in wrestling I got quiet the moves put on me….I guess you could say I know a few wrestling tricks or two…..
Although I was living with men I took on an opposite role then what many would think. Many people assume that I am more of tom boy…really into sports, watching them, playing them…basically anything involved with sports…And although they are correct in some ways I mostly took on a role as a mother/housewife. Many of you are probably confused now, why would I take on a mother role when I have a dad and older brother. Well the answer lies here; can you imagine living with two men? I’m pretty sure we can all agree that most men are not very organized; they don’t care about messes, can’t decorate and are not that great at cooking unless it involves a grill. Well, that was my life and I could not STAND IT. I was a teenage girl, dreaming of having a similar life to those of my friends. A Nuclear family as they call it, a cute white picket fence with a perfect little house inside that contained a mother, father and two children. I dreamed of coming home to bake goods, a homemade dinner, and a clean beautifully decorated house. So you could presume that I took on a motherly role… I became the cook, the cleaner and I decorated the house from top to bottom.
Regardless of my environment I suppose I am a little bit of everything, sports fanatic and future house wife. Even though I lived with two men, I would say I am a huge girly girl. Basically whatever I was surrounded by, I wanted to be the opposite. I am not for sure how you would evaluate this. Most would say that your surroundings shape you, and in very big way they did. They shaped me into a caring, clean freak, future housewife. I have such a mothering nature to me it even bothers me at times. While most people in this situation would become more tom boyish I did quite the opposite. So how would you say my surroundings shaped me? No one forced me into cleaning, cooking or decorating. It was the life around me, what I thought women should be like from friends, TV and books. I made myself into what I had dreamed of having….the perfect household.
Don’t get me wrong, I am so appreciative of the life that I was given. I absolutely adore me father and brother and would not have traded lives for anything. I am shown continuously how blessed I am by my experience. I get along with most people; I can talk about sports, play sports but yet have a very girly care giving side about me. This has helped me in numerous ways, adapting too many different situations and meeting many different people throughout my life. Regardless of how we are suppose to grow up, or what our lives should be like, this is my life, it shaped me into what I am now, whether that be good or bad, I am thankful for my confusing/difficult history!
I actually grew up in almost the complete opposite role of you, and it had a similar "opposite-of-what-you-would-expect" effect on me. I grew up with three girls in my house and my father. You would expect that the amount of femininity would be a dominant force in our household due to the ratios, however I have a little bit of tom boy in me. I love to shop and get dolled up when time permits me to, but on the weekends its very common to find me hanging out watching football with the guys. I think that a lot of this had to do with my father looking for another male figure to bond with in our household and as soon as I expressed any interest in sports, he saw his opportunity to build on a relationship separate of feminine influence. This strengthened my relationship with my father to the point where it made me comfortable going out golfing or to sporting events with him, while also feeling comfortable interacting with my mom and sister. For some reason, my fathers friendship and influence on me seemed to shape me more than anything though, and I would say that I am more of a tom boy than what you would expect for the ratio of girls to guys that I grew up with. Weird how it turns out to be the opposite of the expected in both cases.
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